Excerpts from BPSO discussion about this book:

I also wanted to recommend a great book. It's called, "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston. This book is great if your SO is willing and able to work with you to figure out what triggers their moods and what works for them to snap out of it. I didn't realize how much of my own behavior in reacting to his moods was just making the situation worse.

I feel like I say this every so often.. I didn't like "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder."

It made me feel like all the pressure was on me to maintain the relationship. Sure, when someone's acutely manic all the pressure is going to be on the other partner. However, I don't believe that I need to walk on eggshells, watch everything I say in case it be misconstrued or anything like that.

One thing I did like about that book was that it encouraged the reader to reevaluate his/her own life. It says to make a list of things like where you'd like to be in a year, or five years; what you want and what you don't want. I have always been a goal-driven person, so it was easy to articulate them. However, it was good that I wrote them down-- and I showed them to my SO, to make known what direction I planned on going in.

I think I felt let down by the book because I was looking for someone to say, "This is how you have a relationship with someone with BP." And I didn't really receive that from the book. I liked Francis Mondimore's book "Bipolar Disorder," which someone suggested to my SO in the hospital.

I actually am reading it now. I have read through it quickly (it is not a huge book) and am re-reading it more carefully now. I think that it has it's pros and cons. I found it helpful in that it has a section that describes symptoms in practical real-life terms with examples of statements that the BP person might make to express how these symptoms feel to them. It discussed both euphoric and dysphoric manic symptoms - often I find that resources only address euphoria. It also discussed psychotic symptoms in practical terms - e.g. it mentions that auditory hallucinations such as hearing voices includes not only hearing other people's voices but also the BP person hearing their own voice telling themselves bizarre or irrational things. These sections were written in a way that were helpful to me because my SO has these symptoms and it is hard to find discussion on them, let alone discussion that reads in a manner that can be applied to everyday life and experience. Other sections I found less helpful for me - someone else mentioned that it does focus on the SO and their role, without discussing the BP person's responsible role so much. The book has exercises that it recommends both the SO and BP person to do in a journal (separately or together) that are helpful in determining goals and such. I think that it is worth the $20 or whatever it cost. There are so few books out there for us SO's that any helpful info is worth it. Once I am done with it I am even going to get my SO to read some or all of it. I think that my SO will really like the symptoms section because, again, it describes them in a real-life practical way.

I think that it is worth the read for the good that you could get from it. I think that it attempts to help the SO evaluate whether they are ready for long term with the BP person and what is practical to expect (or at least it prepares you for the worst case type scenario). I don't think that it gives a false sense of hope at all. So, that is good. It encourages the SO to decide for themselves what he/she is prepared to accept or not accept in the relationship. It has a section that discusses different types of approaches that SO's take. It does not assume that your approach will be the sole responsible person in the relationship - just that it can happen and some like it that way - but rather encourages the SO to just be responsible for themselves in making the decision to stay or not and what to practically expect if the choice is to stay. Happy reading!

I'm not a big fan of the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" but it does have sections for you to ask yourself some really good questions about what you want from life, for yourself, for your child, for your relationship. You might find these questions really helpful because you might be able to clarify your wants and needs for yourself. My primary objection to the book was that I felt like it put too much pressure on the non-BP SO, but now I've realized that I can just take the good from it and ignore the parts I didn't think applied to me. From working with the book two years ago, I was able to articulate what I wanted, etc-- and I still have the lists I made (which I shared with my SO when he stopped being manic and was medicated) and am working towards the goals I set.