Anne Sheffield, Depression Fallout

Anne Sheffield is the author of How You Can Survive When They're Depressed, a book which won rave reviews from the members of the BPSO list when it first appeared in 1998 (see one reader's comments here). Sheffield's current effort is a worthy successor.

This book concentrates on depression and the impact of that disorder on relationships, and as such it should be of great interest to those whose loved ones suffer from major depression, Bipolar II disorder (bipolar with depression), and other forms of the illness where depression is a major factor. It will appeal less to those whose loved ones suffer from Bipolar I Disorder (bipolar with mania).

Depression Fallout has particularly strong chapters on overcoming denial in a depressed loved-one, setting boundaries so that one's own life is not eclipsed by a loved-one's illness, the importance of finding a competent psychiatrist and participating as a couple in treatment, and how to maintain one's own perspective and quality of life amidst the struggle against the illness. No other writer that I know of has so carefully identified all the elements of denial that delay effective treatment for so many depression sufferers. Sheffield also suggests some strategies that can help break through denial and replace the unspoken contracts that so frequently bind couples into a static surrender to the illness. Attention is given to the question of how and under what circumstances to end a relationship with a depressed person.

Sheffied writes about a complicated subject with deceptive simplicity and clarity. There is little unnecessary jargon, psychobabble, or technical description.

The book's ability to identify how depression plays out in the day to day interactions of a loving relationship stems from its inspiration: the writings of the participants in an internet mailing list discussion group sponsored by Sheffield's web site. The book details typical situations in relationships where depression is a factor through the writings of list members, and discloses, often in their own words, what insights led them to find better lives, with our without their depressed loved ones.

My only substantial disappointment with the book was in its failure to better convey how benefical an internet mailing list can be as an ally in a couple's fight fight against mental illness. As a longtime member of bpso, a similar mailing list, I felt that the book's portrayal of list interaction was rather one-dimensional. Her account did not succeed in conveying the intensity of such lists, and how members are brought to insight into their situations and to eventual resolution through hearing a variety of very compelling personal accounts about other people's daily experiences with the illness. In her defense, though, that was not the primary purpose of her book, nor would it have been an easy task, particularly considering the need to protect the confidentiality of list members.

I give the book high marks. For those whose loved ones suffer primarily from depression rather than mania, I would make this required reading.